Each year on the day after Thanksgiving, we transform the end of our living room into a manger scene.  This is the way it turned out this year.  It turns out to occupy a space of about 10′ x 13′ and uses figures from the 12″ Fantanini collection allong with various improvised landscape constructions.  Detailed pictures are here.

Our devotional thoughts this year spring from Luke 19:42 where Jesus is expressing his sadness that so many people did not know the things that make for peace.   They should have, but they missed it.   Likewise, as individuals and as a culture in America, we should know the things that make for peace, but we often miss it.  The essence of peace is a Person.

Consider what was prophesied:

For to us a child is born, . . . and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Consider what Jesus, himself, said:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Consider what was said about Jesus in reflection:

For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility

I would very much like to be an instrument of that kind of peace.  It’s important that I start with me because there has always been a connection between the attitude of God’s people toward Him and the welfare of their land.

So, hopefully, as this scene in my living room will help me focus on the Person who is the essence of peace, perhaps the pictures will help you with your own devotional focus.  We are celebrating the coming of the God of the Universe in the form of a little baby who was fully God and fully perfect man and who provides a bridge for us as sinful people to have intimate fellowship with Him.  Wow!

Sadly, there are as many marriages broken by infidelity as ever before.  Happily, there are more resources than ever before to help marriages heal.  About 70% of those who seek counseling are successful in restoring their marriage.  I understand that the December issue of Redbook Magazine will have an excellent article,
“Could Your Marriage Survive An Affair?”

Glad I checked it out because it led me to an awesome resource that Peggy Vaughan offers.  Anyone interested in learning more about this topic ought to include Peggy’s web site.

It’s written from the point of view of people who have experienced it.  While the article that I wrote some years ago is written for counselors, I’m gratified to see the principles overlap.  I’m also interested to note that the dynamics of recovering from sexual infidelity are the same as those involved in recovering from alcohol/drug addiction and pornography.  It’s a lengthy process and it takes a lot of work, but it’s worth it to learn about integrity, transparency and trust at higher levels of reality.  Even the offended party can benefit from recovery from betrayal.  It’s a godly trait to be able to forgive without being naive (or stupid) and to negotiate a stronger basis for an intimate relationship.  Fortunately, God doesn’t require us to be perfectly perfect before allowing us to enjoy a secure relationship with Him.

I admit that I often fall victim to holiday routines.  Thanksgiving Day so often turns into highlighting the turkey, the football, the parade, and the relaxation.  But not this year.  Thanks to our friends, the Torp-Pedersons, who sent us a book, Thanksgiving: A Time to Remember by Barbara Rainey, our family reviewed the events of 1620.  That was the year when a boatload of people from England landed at Plymouth after 97 days at sea.  Sadly, their timing was poor.

Bad news . . . They arrived in November, in the dead of winter.

Good news . . . The Patuxet Indians who used to inhabit that area and who had murdered every white man who had ever landed in their territory had all died from a mysterious plague four years earlier!  But one of them, Squanto, was in England at the time, having been captured and taken as a slave.  He had returned to his land only six months prior to find himself a man without a tribe.  It was he who helped the new arrivals adjust and survive.  Interesting to me how God turns tragic situations into blessings.

Bad news . . . That first winter was so severe that half of the new arrivals died of influenza and other sicknesses. They had to ration the little food that they had.  Sometimes counting out kernels of corn.

Good news . . . An Indian named Samoset had learned English through contacts with English fishermen and was able to help the Pilgrims get settled and taught them how to plant corn with fish as fertilizer.  Another Indian named Massasoit helped prevent annihilation by seven neighboring tribes who were plotting to kill all the English.

Bad news . . . After making it through the first summer and celebrating a bountiful harvest and thinking they had enough food for the next winter, another ship, the Fortune, arrived bringing 35 new arrivals.  They nearly doubled the population of the new settlement but arrived with no food, clothing or other provisions.  Back to half rations!

Good news . . . When the planting season of 1623 came upon them, they learned a basic principle of motivation: Ownership increases productivity.  “Each family was given a parcel of land to plant for its own use.”  They produced enough corn to sustain them as well as all the people from the next ship, Anne.

Best news . . . They never lost sight of their God as their refuge and their provider.    They could have used many of their circumstances to justify their murmuring and complaining (like the Hebrews in the wilderness after the Exodus).  But they established a model for us to follow.  Recognize God as the source of all our blessings; thank God for the loving deeds He does on our behalf (even when we don’t understand all His ways); surrender our lives to His care.

I’m thankful that they chose to step out sacrificially to create a new civil government, originating with the Mayflower Compact.  I’m thankful that their lives demonstrate God’s providential care.  I’m thankful that God took the trouble to show himself to us in human form in Jesus Christ who through His death and resurrection provides the way for me to have a personal relationship with Him.

When I was young, I considered myself to be a patient person.  Then I had children.  On several occasions, I lost it.  “If at first you don’t hear me”, I thought,  “I’ll yell a little louder.”  (The cheerleaders used to chant that line at high school basketball games).  The kids had a lot to learn, but I also had to learn to grow up.  At best, yelling brings about frozen silence, maybe a modicum of compliance on a good day.  But it never accomplishes what you want.

When our children were adults (late 20’s) I asked them what they remembered about my various styles of discipline.  How my eyes were opened.  They said, “When you yelled at us, we had no idea what we did wrong or why you were mad, only THAT you were mad.”  So my being mad was the main focus.  “When you explained to us what we did wrong and why it was wrong, then the discipline made sense.  We then figured out ways to do better next time.”  I learned that yelling stifles learning and growth; explanation with consequences enhances it.

The Bible puts it well in one of the Proverbs:

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”

That kind of power should caution us to guard our speech.

The best explanation of this verse and other proverbs on the topic of the power of words is a sermon by Tim Keller, Pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in NY City.  You can (and should) order this sermon by clicking here.

Our well-read daughter just tipped us off to a couple of good articles in the New York Times that reinforce the need to correct a current harmful trend.  One article makes a case for how yelling is the new spanking.   The other article emphases the importance of talking to your child from birth onward.

If you’re interested in additional tips on mothering, consider Dr. Shiela Cason’s blog and also  Mommy, M.D.

I have enjoyed promoting good people who are doing good things.  Stephanie Reese is one of these people.  She is devoting her life to helping women break free from the sex industry through an organization called “New Friends New Life” .  Click there and be sure to watch their informative video.

Stephanie is looking for three things: (1) female counselors in the Dallas/FW area who could counsel with some of these women at no cost, (2) free office space that Stephanie could use to counsel with these women herself, and (3) some support money to help her offer these services free to the women who cannot afford payments.

Read her letter and her donation form.

You can contact her at sreese@newfriendsnewlife.org

“We’re gluttons for infographics . . .” starts a fascinating result of a study by some clever folks at Kansas State. They’ve figured  out a way to define the seven deadly sins with statistics that can be measured.  I noticed how poorly the “Bible Belt” scored.  Somehow the good theology isn’t translating into the “goodness” of the culture.

On a more personal level, I’m struck by how easy it is to rationalize sin.  Gluttony?  “We have to eat, don’t we?”  Wrath?  “It’s really righteous indignation!”  At least it’s easy to justify my own sin.  I’d be interested in some comments about your “confessions” and your attitudes toward those sins.

I’m also struck by how we (okay, how “I”) tend to normalize sin, like a little bit of it here and there keeps me from being too much of a boring goodie-two-shoes.  Basically, we tend to sin whenever we assume that God does NOT want the best for us and that my ways of seeking pleasure and avoiding pain are for my ultimate good.  Consider how many people react negatively to the Ten Commandments as though they deprive us from having a happy life.  As I understand the Bible, every commandment was given for our good.  This implies that every time we break any commandment, it will hurt us somehow, even if the impact is not immediately seen.

I think the Bible has a good solution to the problem of trying to avoid sin.  Instead of just trying to avoid the myriad of ways we can be bad (immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissension, factions, envying , drunkenness, carousings, and things like these — Galatians 5:19-21),   the Bible  recommends that we pursue righteous living.   It’s proactive.  It challenges to grow up and do good.  It keeps us dependent on the grace that Jesus has purchased for us because we can’t do it in our own strength.

My question is this: “Why is so hard for us to resist self-gratifications that are harmful to us instead of pursuing the good life?”  Ideas?  Enter your comments.

Over two years ago, I posted some information about Wing Haven and expressed excitement about the concept.  Now it’s a reality.   Wing Haven is a relocation center for severely abused women–the next step for them is death if they try to leave their abuser.  After years of unbelievably hard work and sacrifice Wing Haven is ready for clients.   It provides a chance for women to heal physically, to strengthen emotionally, to engage socially, and to mature spiritually.  If you are aware of any woman and her children (five and under) who need a safe place where she can learn of the Lord and literally rebuild her life, help them get help at:

Wing Haven (click here for their web page)
2059 Camden Avenue
San Jose, CA 95124
408-209-3500
info@winghaven.org

Domestic violence need not pose a dead end street.

Emily Trebolo is a former student of mine who has gone on to establish herself professionally.  What impressed me about her when we talked recently is how fervently she believed in a parent’s capacity to meet the needs of their teenage children.  So I asked her to write a piece about what those needs are and how the parents can meet them.  Here’s what she said:

When they walk in the door you don’t know what to expect. It feels like you blinked and what once was your sweet little girl is now a fast moving ball of emotions.   Some days your precious angel acts like the sweet child you raised. The next moment she is having a melt down and it is all your fault. Not only are you tired of the ups and downs, but also it seems like as soon as you figure out something she needs, the need switches. Sound familiar? If so, you must have arrived in the world of adolescents.

As a counselor at Christian Counseling Associates I work a lot with adolescents. I love having the opportunity to help navigate this challenging road for teens and also their parents.  Through my adventures with these soon-to-be young adults, I have found a few recurring themes. In the emotional chaos, parents often want to know, “What in the world does my child really need from me?” I have found a pattern of three common things your adolescent needs, and typically has no idea how to ask you for it.

Need #1 – I need you to teach me that I am valuable

There is a very good chance that your teen is confused about what value is. It is contrary to everything they are observing in society to believe that value isn’t something based on what they do.  Your precious one is valuable not because of what they do, or who at school likes them, but because God made them. Therefore, they need you to educate them on their own worth.

Value them. The question remains, how do you show value to someone who at times is driving you crazy. These are a couple of easy reminders of things you can do to convey that value is not based on the outer things. Your teen needs you to speak kind words to them. This may feel awkward, especially since many times it may feel like they blow you off. Don’t worry; they hear you. They really, really hear you. Not only that, but they crave those words from you. You know your teen more than anyone. You know their heart, and those little things they do that no one else may know about. They also need your actions to reinforce value. Even when you are so frustrated with your teen you are counting the minutes till they go to college, treat them in a manner that shows value.  I recognize this can be very hard. But take courage, it can be done.

Notice them. This is not in reference to discipline, but rather catch them being precious. Look for teachable moments to point out their value. Write them a note and leave it under their door.  Tell them you appreciate that they put their dishes in the sink after a meal. Make them a cup of hot tea and deliver it to them while they are studying. Tell them you are so proud of how hard they work in school.  Give them hugs over and over again, even when they reject them. Attempt to sit on their bed for a few minutes and ask about their day. Tell them why you are proud of them. By noticing the little things about them you are showing them that they are worth noticing.

Hear them. I recently was conducting a session with an adolescent and her mother and asked the teen to tell her mom what it was she needed the most. She told her mother, “I need you to listen without preconceived ears.”  Your child needs you to take the time to really listen to what they are saying. This shows them that their thoughts and feelings are valuable.  Instead of coming up with a solution to their problem, focus on the way they are feeling as a result of the situation. They want to be known, and by hearing them you are telling them that they are worth knowing.

Need #2 – I need you to teach me about grace.

Believing the best about your teen can be a very challenging thing to do. Maybe they are doing all sorts of behaviors that not only make you angry and break your heart. I am not asking you to overlook bad behavior. Rather, I am asking that you be a parent who is obsessed with grace. That you would not only be consumed with knowing more of Christ, but that as a result of you fully knowing every day the grace has given you that you would pass along this legacy to your children.  Dr. Tim Kimmel puts it well in his book Grace Based Parenting: “Grace does not lower the standard in our homes; it raises them.”

Be Quick to forgive. When your adolescent messes up, forgive them quickly.  This does not mean you take away consequences for their actions; for they need disciple. But rather that when they goof, you would be quick to forgive them and not hold the offense against them.  Don’t punish them out of anger but rather out of a desire to teach them.

Be quick to apologize. Lets face it; you are human too.  And as much as you love your child, you will fail them. When this happens, be quick to forgive yourself and then ask them for forgiveness. This demonstrates grace to them on such an incredible level.

Cut them a little slack when you can. Recognize that this is a hard age.  They are faced with pressures on every side.  Some days there might be small offenses that it is better just to let go.  If you know they have had a horrible teen-ish day and they forget to put the chips back in the pantry, maybe the most Christ-like thing you can do is put up their snack for them.

Need #3 – I need stability.

Perhaps your teen isn’t coming from an ideal family situation.  That is okay.   God is a God of healing and restoration.  So you can trust Him with your child.  If the home life hasn’t always been stable, it isn’t too late for change.   Stability results in security for these adolescents.  Therefore, attempt to create a home life that your teen can count on.  This does not mean that life events aren’t going to happen; but rather that your teen knows how things will typically be handled in the home.

Your child needs routine. Even if they complain about a routine, they still need it.  It helps your adolescent to know what to expect when they walk into the door.  Be consistent in the way you care for them.  If schedules are crazy, set aside a certain night a week that is family dinner night.  Watch a certain television show together weekly.  Create certain times that are family times each week, and then fight hard to protect those time slots.

Be consistent in the way you love them. Your teen needs to know that you will always love them and there is nothing they can do to change that.  Even when they are exhausting you, make sure to constantly tell them you love them.  Write it on notes, tell them when they walk out the door; reinforce this love as often as you can.   Find out the little things that make your teen feel loved and then consistently do those things.

Be consistent in the way you punish them. Let the punishment fit the crime.  There are many behaviors an adolescent can do that should always result in a consequence.  If your teen is not respecting their curfew, then grounding them from going out one weekend is an appropriate consequence.  If it happens again, the same consequence should be used.  By only randomly punishing at certain times, your teen is not learning what behaviors are tolerable and which ones are not.  Rather, they are learning that sometimes they can get away with deliberately disobeying.  Also make sure that the punishment used is an appropriate one for the crime committed.  Do not punish out of anger, but rather try to calmly teach your child about the wrongness of their actions and the consequence that results from the indiscretion.

Concluding Thoughts

It is no secret that the world of adolescents is confusing and exhausting. It takes a lot of bravery to attempt to give your teen what they need. So take courage, and go out there and show them that they are valuable, exemplify grace and try to create stability in the process. Remember: just as your teen needs grace you do as well.  So go easy on yourself when you mess up, and know that your adolescent is blessed to have a parent that desires to love them well.

You can contact Emily at emilytrebolo@yahoo.com

Question: Is there anything unique about Christian ethics?

Answer: Yes.

On February 27, 2009 three psychologists led a workshop in Dallas to explain.  I think this is a good example of how CAPS as an organization seeks to integrate the social sciences with Christianity.  Here’s the abstract followed by a two-part audio of their presentation.

Abstract: When integrating Christian faith and psychotherapy, unique ethical dilemmas may arise. This presentation will discuss many of these ethical dilemmas and how they occur in clinical practice. As part of this presentation, we will discuss our research related to ethical dilemmas that may arise when integrating Christian faith and psychotherapy. As part of our research, we surveyed 362 members of the Christian Association for Psychological Studies who are practicing clinicians. Research participants responded to an ethics survey designed to look at ethical behaviors, ethical beliefs, and ethics training related to Christian psychotherapy.

Click here to listen to the first half:  Christian Ethics I

Click here to listen to the second half: Christian Ethics II

Thanks to Drs. John Eric Swenson, Gregory Schneller, and Randolph Sanders for offering this 3-hour presentation.

We had a good turnout with a strong sense of community:

It’s ironic to me that Jean-Paul Sartre penned the thought, “No finite point has meaning without an infinite reference point.”  Marriage finds it’s meaning in our Infinite reference point, God.   Otherwise, we argue without resolve on such issues as who has the “right to marry” and what are the grounds for dissolving a marriage.   One of my students at Dallas Theological Seminary has written a paper that makes this blueprint for marriage clear.  I share it with you and ask for your comments.

TO GLORIFY GOD THROUGH DISPLAYING HIS ATTRIBUTES: A STUDY OF GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE

Meredith Maris Ziafat

April 6, 2009

Marriage as the union of man and woman as one flesh finds its origin in God’s creation. As revealed in Genesis 2:18, after the creation of man in God’s image, “the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’” Upon the creation of woman out of the side of man, Genesis 2:24 declares that it is “for this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” If the union of man and woman finds its roots in God’s creation, and the chief end of man is to glorify God, it follows that the chief end of marriage is to display God’s glory. To display God’s glory is to reveal His nature. His nature is revealed through His divine attributes. As seen in Genesis 1:27, “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” The image of God is revealed through both male and female, as ordained by God in creation. Marriage, it follows, as the union of male and female, most closely reveals God’s image. Thus, the marriage relationship is the primary arena through which God allows man to glorify Him through displaying attributes of His divine nature.

Faithfulness

Within marriage, man glorifies God through displaying God’s faithfulness, as he strives to love unconditionally in the context of the marriage covenant. Scripture reveals, in Psalm 100:5, that “the LORD is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations.” God’s faithful love is seen through His covenant with His people. He continues to love faithfully, despite the waywardness of His children. His faithfulness is grounded in His character rather than in the deservingness of those He loves. He is true to His word.

Similarly, marriage is a covenant between a man and woman that is grounded not in a response to the spouse’s behavior, but rather is rooted in faithfulness to one’s word as expressed through unconditional covenantal love. To embody faithful commitment to one’s spouse is to reveal God’s faithful character. Tommy Nelson explains that “having a faithful commitment to marriage is like having a permanent seal affixed to each person’s life.”1 As seen in Song of Solomon 8:6, the seal characterizes the covenant of marriage, in that it is a sign of ownership, of possession, and of affiliation. The metaphor of the seal portrays an inseparable union, in which the seal serves both as a reminder to oneself of his commitment as well as a public declaration of commitment to one’s spouse.2 Today, wedding rings serve as the symbol of the covenant union of marriage. Commitment serves to bind the covenant of marriage. One keeps the marriage covenant by the power of the Holy Spirit, grounded in the faithfulness of God rather than simply man’s ability to keep his word. Through divine enabling, man is able to reflect God’s faithfulness through his loving commitment to his spouse.

Love

Within marriage, man glorifies God through displaying God’s love, as he aims to selflessly sacrifice on behalf of his partner. Paul, in Romans 5:8, teaches that “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” God’s love for His people is seen through His sacrificial atoning death on the cross for the sins of man. Christ died on behalf of the ungodly, who were by nature enemies of God. Christ’s sacrificial love is extended to the least deserving. His love gave rise to action.

In the same vein, man expresses God’s love as he loves his spouse selflessly and sacrificially. In marriage, love is expressed through action, namely through putting to death one’s selfishness in deference to his partner. A helpful guideline for sacrificial love in marriage is the teaching of Philippians 2:3-5, in which Paul exhorts: “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus.” The ability to crucify one’s selfish desires in the course of conflict is a sign of spiritual discipline. To have the same attitude of Christ, as this passage suggests, is to have the notion of sacrificial love undergirding one’s thoughts and actions.

Dewey Wilson, in his Devoted: God’s Design for Marriage, asserts that in the same way that the Old Testament covenants were confirmed by an animal sacrifice, “the marriage covenant also requires a form of death. As we live out our marriage covenant, we must ‘die’ to selfish desires and ambitions.”3 Marriage is a call to lay aside one’s selfishness and to pursue the best interest of one’s spouse, following the model of the servant leadership of Christ. The hallmark of marriage is selfless, loving sacrifice.

The biblical view of marriage, as seen in Ephesians 5:22-23, is a model of sacrificial love. Paul, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, writes: “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.” Wives are called to sacrifice on behalf of their husbands, in submission and reverence, in the same manner that they honor the Lord with their lives. Husbands are called to lay down their lives sacrificially for their wives, in the same manner that Christ lay down His life for man. Both the role of husband and wife are marked by selfless sacrifice.

Jim and Sarah Sumner, in their book on practicing oneness in marriage, explain that the roles of husband and wife promote the idea of unity in that the man is the head and the woman the body.4 In their view, man is not head of the marriage, but of the wife. Together husband and wife make one body that together strives to honor Christ, who alone is Lord of all, including the marriage. Both husband and wife are called to selflessly sacrifice as they seek to honor the Lord and each other.

In fact, research is clear that the strongest marriages are between two partners who learn to derive pleasure from giving to one another and who are willing to make sacrifices on behalf of the other.5 It is not surprising that the most successful marriages are those which most closely resemble biblical guidelines for marriage. This is an example of the alignment of special revelation, namely the relational model of Scripture, and general revelation, which is demonstrated through secular research. Both forms of revelation represent God’s truth, and both agree that sacrificial love is the foundation of successful marriages.

Holiness

Within marriage, man glorifies God through displaying God’s holiness, as he grows in his expression of godliness through experiencing the crucible of marriage. In Ephesians 5:25-27, Paul exhorts: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.” This passage underscores the sanctifying purpose of marriage. As man loves sacrificially, woman submits. Both sacrificial love and loving submission require putting to death one’s selfishness.

Through marriage, sin patterns surface and are confronted. In so doing, one is refined to more closely image Christ. Gary Thomas, in Sacred Marriage, sets forth the thesis that the primary purpose of marriage is sanctification, citing that the aim of marriage should be holiness rather than happiness.6 Certainly his view of the centrality of holiness in God’s purpose for marriage calls for a paradigm shift. Seeing marriage through the lens of a desire to be sanctified can transform one’s response to hardship and conflict. Specifically, through viewing marriage as a crucible for sanctification, one is able to realign his expectations for marriage and therefore his response to trials encountered in it. Working through the relational difficulties that arise in marriage serves as an impetus for growth and change. Through the sanctification that occurs within the context of marriage, one more closely resembles God’s character and reveals His nature.

Relational communion

Within marriage, man glorifies God through displaying God’s relational communion, as he longs to embody unity amidst role diversity. John records the words of Jesus in the Upper Room Discourse, in John 14:10: “Do you not believe that I am in the Father, and the Father is in Me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on My own initiative, but the Father abiding in Me does His works.” The Triune God displays complete unity and trust, while demonstrating a diversity of roles within the Godhead. In this passage, Jesus and the Father are portrayed as one, while at the same time Jesus submits to the Father. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are unified while maintaining distinguishable role contributions.

Along these lines, marriage affords man and woman the experience of the relational communion as one flesh within differing roles. Man is called to sacrificial love as woman is called to loving submission. Marriage is an experience of unity and diversity. The aim of marriage is growth in oneness, in which marriage more closely resembles the nature of Trinitarian unity.

Millard Erickson, in his Making Sense of the Trinity, explains that within the Trinity there is a “dimension of openness and extension not necessarily found in a love relationship between two people.”7 He goes on to demonstrate that certain factors work against relational oneness, which include man’s physical body, differing experiences, and preoccupation with oneself.8 Therefore, growth in Trinitarian-like oneness in marriage comes through experiencing intimate physical union, creating common experiences through life, and crucifying one’s selfish desires. One experiences growing intimacy or oneness in marriage through learning to appreciate his spouse’s differences and sacrificing to meet his spouse’s needs.

From a historical perspective, the Trinity is not the only Christian analogy that has been used to describe the marital relationship of unity with diversity. Other analogies explored throughout Christian history include: “the joining of divinity and humanity in the person of Jesus Christ; the Eucharist, in which the bread and the wine are joined to signify the body and blood of Christ; and Christ’s union with his church.”9 The helpfulness of these metaphors for marriage lies in the power of the coming together of two distinct elements in a purposeful way. In each of these metaphors, the necessity of each element in the union creates the missional impact of the union. In the same way, the distinctiveness of both man and woman, when joined in the union of marriage, has the unique potential to embody the Gospel. Marriage serves a missional purpose as it seeks to give flesh to the unity and diversity of the Triune God and embody His attributes to an unbelieving world.

Creativity

Within marriage, man glorifies God through displaying God’s creativity, as he procreates to produce and parent the next generation. After the creation of man and woman, in Genesis 1:28, “God blessed them; and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’” God, who created all things, gives a command to man and woman to populate the earth through procreation. Through childbearing, man and woman participate with God in creation.

In When Two Become One, Christopher and Rachel McCluskey suggest that God’s first instruction to man and woman to “be fruitful and multiply” makes the connection between sexuality and spirituality overt from creation.10 They explain that this instruction from God is His initial blessing spoken over them, essentially inviting them to “express your love and spiritual oneness bodily, and allow me to create more love (new life) through your love.”11 Through sexuality, God allows man to experience physical and spiritual intimacy. The physical union of man and woman pictures the Gospel in that it represents the initiation of God toward man and man’s open reception of Him. Within the one flesh experience of sexual intimacy, man not only experiences physical and spiritual intimacy, but also is given the ability to reproduce and display God’s nature of creativity.

In addition to procreation, man reflects God’s creativity by raising a godly line. The Shema of Deuteronomy 6:5-6 instructs man to “love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might,” and explains that “these words . . . shall be on your hearts.” Verse 6 goes on to exhort: “You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” This passage, according to John Barnett in his The Joy of a Word-Filled Family, reveals the threefold responsibility of parenting: 1. to love God preeminently, 2. to treasure His Word in our hearts, and 3. to pass on that faith diligently to our children.12 Building a godly family legacy is one of the primary avenues for expressing God’s nature of creativity, which brought order into chaos in the Genesis creation account. To raise a godly family line allows man to bring meaning and order into a lost and chaotic world for generations to come.

Reconciliation

Within marriage, man glorifies God through displaying God’s heart for reconciliation, as he strives continually to extend grace and practice forgiveness. Scripture reveals, in 2 Corinthians 5:18-19, that “all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.” Forgiveness and reconciliation lie at the heart of the Gospel. God, by His grace, has offered man forgiveness from the wages of his sin which is death, through the atoning sacrificial death of Christ. Not only has God reconciled man to Himself, but He has also given man the privilege of ministering His grace to others.

Within the marriage arena, man is given the opportunity to mediate grace and practice forgiveness with his spouse, as he embodies the Gospel of Christ. Anthony Bash, in his Forgiveness and Christian Ethics, asserts that “it is undeniable that forgiveness is central to Christian faith and praxis. Any statement of the Christian gospel that does not have forgiveness as one of its foci is a misstatement of the gospel.”13 To embody the Gospel within the context of marriage is to practice forgiveness with one’s spouse. The ability to forgive in divinely enabled through the Holy Spirit as a result of a life transformed by divine forgiveness. Bash explains that “the capacity to forgive interpersonally is a correlate of having experienced divine forgiveness because . . . forgiveness is regenerative, enabling the recipient to become a forgiving person.” Having received divine forgiveness for the debt owed to God by man because of sin, man can then in turn offer forgiveness to others. The marriage relationship, given its intimate nature, is likely the most difficult and thus most spiritually significant relationship in which to practice forgiveness. As man consistently seeks reconciliation with his spouse, he extends grace through forgiveness, reflecting God’s divine nature. Grace-filled marriages are life-giving both to those who experience the power of reconciliation within their marriage and to those who witness its power against the background of selfishness seen in the world. Marriages characterized by grace and forgiveness are evangelistic in nature, as they give flesh to the transforming power of the Gospel.

Conclusion

Through marriage, God allows man to glorify Him through displaying certain attributes of His divine nature, in order that man may more fully understand His character and may more intimately experience His fellowship. Marriage is a metaphor for the relationship of the Triune God and His people. In fact, Thomas asserts that “a giant thread runs throughout Scripture comparing God’s relationship to his people with the human institution of marriage.”14 God is revealed as the faithful husband of an adulterous wife, as seen in Hosea 1:2 and Ezekiel 16:32. Jesus is portrayed as the Bridegroom, as seen in Matthew 9:15. The Kingdom of God is described as a wedding feast, as seen in Matthew 22:1-14. Furthermore, in Ephesians 5, Paul concludes his treatment of marriage in verse 32, stating: “This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” In divine revelation as revealed through Scripture, marriage is the primary metaphor for the nature of God’s interaction with His people. Marriage allows man to experience the love of God in a tangible way. Through experiencing unconditional, sacrificial, and covenantal love in marriage, one is sanctified. Putting to death certain aspects of the sin nature, man grows in conformity to the image of God. In the arena of marriage, man grows in fellowship with the Savior as he seeks to live out the truth of the Gospel in relationship with his spouse.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Barnett, John S. The Joy of a Word Filled Family. Tulsa: Mullerhaus, 2004.

Bash, Anthony. Forgiveness and Christian Ethics. New Studies in Christian Ethics, vol. 29. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2007.

Erickson, Millard J. Making Sense of the Trinity. Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2000.

McCluskey, Christopher, and Rachel McCluskey. When Two Become One: Enhancing Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. Grand Rapids: Revell, 2004.

Nelson, Tommy. The Book of Romance: What Solomon Says About Love, Sex, and Intimacy. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1998.

Stanley, Scott et al. A Lasting Promise: A Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2002.

Sumner, Jim, and Sarah Sumner. Just How Married Do You Want to Be? Downers Grove, Illinois: InterVarsity, 2008.

Thomas, Gary. Sacred Marriage. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2000.

Wilson, Dewey. Devoted: God’s Design for Marriage. Dallas: Marriage Mentors, 2006.