Planning for Marriage

9567381.jpgHere’s a great little video of the basics of knowing your future partner. No rocket science. Lot’s of common sense (which is often very uncommon). I suggest using these tips a the bare minimum. The more you know now, the less you’ll be surprised later. I’ll write more later about my thoughts on premarital counseling along with some good resources to help out.

Matt Turvey with PREPARE/ENRICH sent me the button below which gives you entrance to a much more personalized and detailed tool called the Couple Checkup. chckup-3.jpg Even though it’s designed for dating or engaged couples, it also works for married couples. My wife and I took it this afternoon and found several areas of focus for us to refine our marriage. I think one of the best uses of tools like this is to focus discussion. You can take this inventory at home for very little cost and get a user-friendly 15-20 page report. I’m going to recommend it for my clients as well as for my own marriage. Check it out.

And now for an edited addition in response to Adam’s comment asking for more:  Smart Marriages offers a directory of resources available across the country.  With this list, there can no longer be an excuse.  I’ll just list the headings here:

Engaged/Pre-Marital

Deeply Troubled/On the Brink of Divorce

Infidelity – You Can Recover

Inventories – compatibility and strengths

Stepfamilies & Remarriage

Marriage Enrichment – make your good thing better.

Cruises, Retreats, Destinations, & Get-Aways

At a Distance – Strengthen your marriage without leaving home (Telecourses, DVDs, phone coaching, internet, etc.)

Retired/Empty Nest

Singles

State & Community Marriage Initiatives (CHMI)

 

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2 Responses to Planning for Marriage

  1. Adam S. says:

    This is pretty neat. But it seemed a bit basic for me. I guess an interesting question would be, how different is too different on issues or on conflicts and stuff like that? Sometimes it seems like a lot of work on communication and conflicts.

  2. leejagers says:

    Yes, Adam, this basic framework gets people started and particularly helps focus dialog. Then it’s important to clarify the differences at the level of values, assumptions, intentions, needs, desires, expectations, and stuff like that. Then it’s important to learn how to develop better procedures and protocals for dealing with conflicts when they do occur. A lot of this boils down to showing attunement to one another with respect and empathy. Easy to say. It takes a lifetime to do. — jlj

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